Institute for Sexual Awareness
Research and Education
450 Shrewsbury Plaza
Shrewsbury, NJ 07702

"LOVE, SEX, AND COMMUNICATION"

An Interview with Dr. Bloch

This interview with the Reverend Dr. Stuart A. Bloch is reprinted from the book Coming from Love by I. Malcolm Rodgers. The “Love, Sex and Communication” workshop is presented by the Institute for Sexual Awareness.

“The time frames in which the workshops are held are Saturday night from 6:00 pm to midnight and Sunday morning from 10:00 am until 11:00 pm. Participants are required to fill out, prior to the workshop, a form which gives them an opportunity to start to look at their own sexuality and how they hold themselves and their bodies physically, regarding their sexuality.

Additionally, they are requested to delineate exactly what they want to get out of the workshop. An introduction is used in order to give people an idea of what work will be done during the weekend, and what role I will play in guiding them in this journey through their barriers to having more pleasurable and satisfying relationships, and then discovering new awarenesses about themselves, in regards to their own sexuality.

We stipulate beforehand that this is not therapy and that if an issue comes up during the workshop which is therapeutic in nature that should be dealt with, we will recommend to that individual who they should see to work on that particular issue.

The object of the workshop is for people to have an opportunity to see their patterns in relationships that prohibit them from having the pleasure and satisfaction, both spiritually, emotionally and physically that they’ve always said they wanted to have. At all levels of sexuality and relationships, we ask that people not “believe” anything that we say, but that they use the questions to open themselves up to new thoughts, feelings, and ideas. It is not our intention to give anyone a new system in which to operate, but rather to break down their old systems and give them new choices in how they operate in relationships.

Early in the workshop we do a walk around warm-up exercise, the purpose of which is to point out for each of us graphically how we interact with strangers, friends and acquaintances at different levels of physical touch. We start the exercise with people walking around, not necessarily looking at each other, and move through a series of gradual steps to the point where, at the end, of they are comfortable, they can continue to walk around and hug, touch or kiss the people in the workshop, depending on their own level of comfort.

As we do with every exercise in the workshop, we give the people the opportunity to talk amongst themselves about how they felt about the exercise just completed. And to share amongst the general group anything NEW that they may have discovered about themselves that they were unaware of before.

We then talk about how we hold sex as a burden. How some of us feel it’s demanded of us and how we don’t always consider the total person in a relationship. We look at the possibility of having friends who are lovers, and having lovers who are friends. Particularly in our primary relationships. We talk about the games that people play in looking around a roomful of people and clicking off in their mind those whom they think they would like, and how that means nothing other than the thought process that goes on in our minds on a constant basis.

The specific purpose of the workshop is to experience one’s own sexuality and rediscover your natural ability to love yourself and others. One of the things that we strive for in the workshop is for people to give themselves PERMISSION to have what it is they want and need in a satisfying, nurturing relationship.

After the warm-up exercise, we will have a discussion about nervousness, anxiety, expectation and considerations that people have about the workshop. The purpose of that particular section is for people to clear up any possible discomfort that they are willing to leave behind before moving on in the workshop. Then they can be totally in the experience of the moment and not concerned or apprehensive about something that they heard may or may not happen in the workshop.

The workshop is held in hotel conference rooms. The atmosphere treated by the workshop leader and the assistants is one that is very warm, loving and nurturing, so that people can have their attention on themselves and not the atmosphere around them, in growing out of the experience they’re about to have.

The second formal exercise that we do is called the word warm-up exercise. We will write a series of five words on the board, each one covering a specific sexual act; such as “orgasm,” “oral sex,” “masturbation,” etc. We give each person a label that is blank and we ask them to list, in the order of preference, which is easiest to talk about from number one all the way down to number five, which would be the most difficult one for them to talk about. They then peel off the backing on these labels and put the label on their shoulder and walk around the room until they find a partner. When they have found a partner, each person is allowed two minutes to discuss their number one word, which is the easiest one for them to talk about. We then have them move to their number two partner, finding the second word which is easiest for them to talk about discuss that word. Each for two minutes. We do the same thing again with the number three word. We skip the number four word and move to the number five word. Here the exercise changes. We now put people in groups, so that all the people who have “oral sex” or “masturbation” or “orgasm” will be in a group discussing that particular subject matter. We ask specifically that people look at their willingness to talk about this subject matter in a group, keeping in mind that this has been the most difficult subject for them to talk about in an open forum, their particular subject matter, after which comment is open to the floor for people to discuss how they felt about talking about it and anything they may have discovered about themselves or about other people, regarding the subjects done not only in partners but in groups.

This particular exercise is used to break down people’s barriers to openly discussing their own sexuality. And is done in such a nurturing atmosphere that it is very difficult for people not to open up to the experiences that have been available to them in this short period of time, and to feel willing to move forward, handling subject matter which is usually very difficult for them.

During all these exercises, we have people look at their body by closing their eyes and seeing how tense or nervous they are; where they hold the tension in their body; and how they may be responding, physically, to an emotional subject matter.

Next we play a game. We divide the room in half and, using the blackboard and one person from each group, we have them list all the negative thoughts, feelings, ideas, things they have heard, said or felt about sex and their own sexuality. They are given three minutes to do this and it’s a contest to see who can get the largest, longest list. At the end of the list, we step back and read all those negative thoughts, feelings and ideas, and make the suggestions, subliminally, that as we erase this list, we erase those thoughts, feelings and ideas from our minds. We then proceed to do the same thing with a positive list. In three minutes, write down all the thoughts, feelings and ideas of a positive nature that we have about sex, our own sexuality and relationships in general.

After reading this list, we leave that on the board to reinforce the positive aspects of these particular areas and move to a discussion of where these thoughts, feelings and ideas may have come from, by writing in notebooks five difference endings for partial sentences given to the participants by the workshop leader. For example: The partial sentence “The message mother gave me about sex …” would require each participant to write five difference endings.

We then move onto “The message father gave me about sex …”. We look at partial sentences, such as, “A man in a relationship is …” and five different endings, “A woman in a relationship is …” and five different endings.

There are ten different partial sentences, each one designed to bring about a new sense of awareness in a different or difficult area of our thought processes and how we’ve been patterned to think and feel the way that we do.

We then enter into a lengthy discussion about masturbation. Starting with a film showing male masturbation, in which one male pleasures himself, and moving to a film, about female masturbation, in which one female pleasures herself. During the course of discussions following, it is imperative that we continue to point out the negative attitudes held about masturbation in our society, down through the years, including the anti-masturbatory devices designed for men and the lack of such devices designed for women. As if the area of self-pleasuring, which is what we prefer to call masturbation, is only aware of and entitled to be performed by men. The thought not having previously, in society, been deemed a woman’s area.

The term “masturbation” comes from the Greek root to mean self-pollute. So emphasis is placed on self-pleasuring and what that self-pleasuring does in equalizing the tension in the body: and how the value of self-pleasuring in the relationship makes it possible for one person to know another person’s body, by their full knowledge of their own body. Without knowing what pleasures me, it is impossible for me to tell you what to do to pleasure me. If I’m with someone who does not know what pleasures her, it is difficult for her to ask for what she wants in a way so that she can have the pleasure that she needs.

The discussion on masturbation, following the films is done in groups of four. Each person is given the opportunity to communicate with their group how they feel about masturbation. And also share any self-disclosure that they might like to, regarding their own masturbatory or self-pleasuring habits.

We discuss how self-pleasuring can be used as a form of sustaining an erection and that self-pleasuring and the pleasure derived from it, is not instead of, but in addition to. Particular emphasis is put on the fact that the orgasm felt through self-pleasuring is different than, not better than, orgasms felt in other areas. And the rationale behind that is that, when a person makes love to themselves, they do exactly what they want and need to have done. And they truly make love to someone they really love, with no attention to anyone themselves. Whereas, in a couple situation, there is an entirely different demand to pleasure a partner, which pleasuring oneself. So we make a strong distinction between about it being different, and not better.

At this point, we generally take a short break, and come back to do an exercise called “Scripting of the 4 year old.” In this particular case, it is the sexual scripting. The purpose of this exercise is to become aware of beliefs and conclusions drawn from early sexual experiences and to see how the pattern of the early experience is manifest in current situations.

We clear the chairs from the room. We have people sit cross-legged on the floor and give them 18 x 24” sheets of drawing paper and crayons. We discuss the child at the age of 3 or 4, who always asks, “why, why, why?” “Why is the sky blue, why does the wind blow, where does the sun go at night?” … and, out of getting in touch with that early childhood experience, having them regress and start to draw an early sexual experience, having them regress as far back in their life experience as they can. We give people 7 to 10 minutes to draw their pictures and to fill in all their details. Who they’re with, what is said, what colors, what sounds, what smells, what location they find themselves in, during that experience.

Next we have the people write down in short phrases on another sheet of paper, also a large sheet of paper, exactly what the story is the way a 4 year old would tell it. “Johnny and I played. Johnny and I touched each other. I felt great. Mom walked in,” etc., and so on. We ask each of the people to write their own phrases, still using their non dominant hand, which helps them stay in touch with their early childhood experience. And what happened at the end of that experience to end it. That they got caught. That they didn’t get caught. What conclusions. What feelings and what beliefs they have out of that experience – such as “I’m good,” or “I’m bad,” or “He’s disappointed,” “I’ll always get away with it,” “I’ll always be alone,” “Mother won’t love me,” “Father won’t love me,” and to write down all those thoughts on paper.

Three, four, and five years old is the age of fairy tales. And children always look for the magical thinking that will make every situation okay. So we ask people to look at what the magic was that they created to keep from getting punished or having something bad happen to them. Some of the possibilities are – “I can get away with it if I lie,” “I won’t disappear if Mother punishes me, so when I feel good I won’t have to also feel bad.”

And we ask people to write these down. And then to share with a partner everything that’s happened up to this point on this particular exercise. Then we have people sit in groups of three and tell the story that they’ve just drawn on paper; to look at the old message that they’ve received and to seek and actually demand a new positive message from someone in the group. So, if the message that had been left with a young woman by her father is, “you’re bad for touching yourself,” we would have her seek, from another male in her small group, the message that she would need to be comfortable with what had transpired. For example, a male saying to her, in the role of her father – “it’s okay for you to do that. Just make sure you that when it’s appropriate. It’s not necessarily something you would want to do in public. I love you, no matter what you do.” So the person has been reinforced in a new, positive outlook and aspect of the experience that they’ve just rediscovered.

The results of this particular exercise have been outstanding and, in a moment, I will give you some examples.

Next, we have people look at what they were doing, looking at, smelling, talking about, feeling, hearing, thinking, during the experience that they’ve just drawn and to notice that, in their adult life when those situations recur in the same pattern, they are likely to respond in the same way. For example, during a Philadelphia workshop, we had a young woman, age 33, who by her own admission, suffered from “First Date Syndrome.” :I don’t take my clothes off on a first date.” But, by her own admission, she also did not take her clothes off on a second date, third date, fourth date, fifth date and, even though she was extremely attractive and successful, she had never been able to have a satisfying intimate relationship with a male. During the course of drawing her picture, she had drawn a picture of herself and her girlfriend in her backyard, in a wading pool, without clothes, at the age of 3 ½. Into the picture came her 18 month old brother, also without clothes, who was put into the wading pool. The girls’ curiosity about the difference in his physiological structure so infuriated the mother that she immediately put clothes on them. The this young woman’s thought was that mother will not love me if I take my clothes off in front of a man, and operated subconsciously out of that belief system until the age of 33, when she redrew the picture and was able to change the message.

In her particular case, during a break afterwards, she discovered a photograph in her wallet that she had kept with her for many years, which showed her at the age of 3 ½ wearing a pinafore. Similar to that which her mother had put on her after she’d come out of the wading pool. She had used that picture to reinforce how she would have to be clothed in order for her mother to love her and had operated out of that all her life.

Subsequently, upon discovering this and creating a new message or belief for herself, she has moved into a satisfying intimate relationship with a man and, quite recently, at the age of 35, has found the man that she wants to spend the rest of her life with and has entered into a satisfying relationship with him.

Another example was a young man in a workshop in New York City who, at the age of 32 had been in therapy for 7 years, trying to discover why he could not maintain an erection while with a woman, although he did maintain an erection while pleasuring himself. During the course of drawing his picture, he discovered an argument he had had with his mother about a water gun, which she had taken away from him and thrown into the ground. Then his father enters the picture and steps on the water gun, smashing it. In his mind’s eye, his manhood had been destroyed. And though he had spent until the age of 32 trying to re-establish a new rapport with his body, he was so out of touch with where the message had come from, because it was buried in his subconscious mind, that is was not possible until the moment he had drawn this picture and gone through the exercise of discovering what beliefs he had created for himself out of this picture that, in his mind, he was able to regain his masculinity and his manhood. I heard from him two weeks after the workshop, during which time he told me that he was making up for lost time and enjoying it. I saw him two years after the workshop and he couldn’t thank me enough for the opportunity he had had to end 7 years of therapy and regain his manhood.

A great deal of time is spent in this particular section, so that no one has an opportunity to leave this particular section, or exercise, without getting an absolute experience of a NEW and POSITIVE way to operate, rather than continue the former pattern, which has not been successful for them. So we make sure that each person gets EXACTLY what they have to have from an appropriate role model person in the workshop; even if we have to shift people around in groups. So that the age factor fits and the sexuality of the opposing partner fits.

The last series of exercises we do is a discussion and demonstration of massage and how important massage is to the physical nurturing of a relationship. How important touching is, whether it’s just holding hands, or hugging, or sitting in close physical contact. We set up a situation in which we have pairs. Then we ask people to start to massage their partner, gently, by touching their face as if the face is made out of find lace and work through to a firmer massage. The switch, so that each partner has an opportunity to stand with his eyes closed and be delicately touched, then more firmly touched. After this, we move into a circle massage, where everybody is standing behind someone else. The workshop leader will then start what’s called a telegraph massage – massaging the person in front of him who, in turn, recreates what he or she feels on the person in front of them, until it moves all the way around and comes to rest on the workshop leader.

It is interesting during this particular exercise to see how each person interprets the particular physical strength, touch or area of the body that is being massaged by the person behind them. At no time are the genitals or the breasts of the participants massaged or manipulated, although the head, neck, shoulders, arm, back, legs and, occasionally, a pinch on the buttocks do take place in the circle massage, although most often people want to continue this particular exercise long into the night.

At this point we break for the evening and we give people homework. Their homework is to give a 15 minute massage and to receive a 15 minute massage. If they do not have a partner that they can do that with, they are welcome to make arrangements with somebody in the group or to come in early in the morning and the assistants will have the room open so that they can do their homework.

The workshop restarts Sunday morning at 10:00 am. Each person is given an opportunity to share what has happened to them up until now in the workshop and to discuss whether or not they’ve done their homework and how they felt about it. The first exercise of the morning is a foot massage. The foot massage is done either barefoot or with socks on, with the couple sitting opposite each other, each one having their right foot in their partner’s lap, so they are simultaneously massaging one another. The massage starts out with instructions of specifically what to do and how to massage and how to hold. And then moves on to the left food, where we do a telegraphing process. “A” will massage “B’s” foot exactly the way “B” wants it massaged. The way “A” knows what to do is that “B” is massaging “A’s” foot the way he wants his or her foot massaged. This exercise eventually comes down to the point where is it impossible to tell who is leading and who is following. But the ability to communicate through touch comes through extremely profoundly.

There is actually a lean-in to a long exercise on communication. This exercise is started by viewing a film called “Sharing Orgasm.” The film is based on one couple’s experience in learning the processes and steps necessary for the female partner to discover her body through physical and verbal communications, on order to experience her first and subsequent orgasms. Since it is out feeling that nobody is frigid or unable to have orgasms, we think of those people who are not presently having them as being pre-orgasmic and do not use the term non-orgasmic.

The viewing of the film and one’s willingness to be responsible for their communication are discussed. We then look at some of the forms people take in communicating. Talking. Moaning. Dressing. Undressing. Time … cycles of the months. Striptease. Body movements. Screaming. Crying. Even leaving. And we continue on the list, putting it on the board so that people can discover the many different ways that they do communicate in a relationship. We then move into the meat of this particular exercise, which is called “Acknowledgment Preference Request.”

Acknowledgment Preference Request is a form of communication we have designed to create for people, an on-going communication with their partner that tells them exactly what they can and can’t have for that particular moment. At no time, do we tell people that they will NOT expert a no answer. In fact, we point out that only by knowing that the partner they are with is capable of saying “no” do they truly also know that they mean yes, when they say yes.

We actually set up, in the middle of this exercise, an opportunity for people to experience a “no” and know that is for the moment now and does not mean forever. People will spend a half hour to 45 minutes working through their own communications, using the Acknowledgment Preference Request method so that, at the end of said time, they are complete about the ability of that particular exercise to work in their life.

The next exercise is a sentence completion exercise, done face to face by two partners, in which each one, without thinking of answers, will complete the sentence given to them. An example of some of the sentences used are – “For me, being responsible means …” This questions or partial sentence, is continually asked, so that the answers flow freely from the opposite partner.

“Control in a relationship means …” is asked for a two minute period of time, so that a person sees how they control in a relationship. “One of the ways my fears and anxieties sabotage my relationship is …” and the constant prodding by the asking partner keeps the answering partner looking at how they sabotage their relationships.

“Commitment to me means …” “To be in love to me means …” and for 40 minutes the questions continue, until the answers pour forth. Then the roles are reversed and the person who previously was sending the partial sentences is now answering the partial sentences, until all that information has come forth and is eliminated or stored for future reference.

The final series of exercises done before the meal break are vitally important.

The first portion is an exercise done to create physical tension in the body in order to break up blocks of energy in the body and unify them into one bound physical energy force. The particular description of how it happens is not important, but just suffice to say that is does take place and people do actually create a harmonious energy force in their body, eliminating the majority of physical barriers in the body to full expression of the exercises to come.

We go into an illusionary exercise, during which we have people picture themselves lying in a hospital bed, their present age, in no physical pain or discomfort, knowing that they are about to die. And we create and recreate this experience for them over and over again. Into that experience, we bring three individuals – their mother, their father and themselves as a child and have them interact at multi-levels of communication, given the premise that this is the last time they will talk to that particular person before they die and clean and clear out whatever thoughts, feelings, ideas of communications have gotten in the way of their relationship with their parents and themselves. This is a rather extensive and lengthy exercise that takes about 45 minutes to an hour, at the end of which time, we have them closely hug a partner, with their head on each other’s shoulder, and share back and forth exactly what happened to them, and what this experience has meant and what they may have gained from it.

When this is complete, we have them share openly with the group any awarenesses that they have discovered. We give them a partial amount of closure on this exercise before going to the meal break. One of the things that we ask them to do on their meal break is to continue the exercise. By spending some of their time with their child at the meal break and have their child search the menu for what their child would order, not necessarily to order it, but to make a distinction of what their child would find satisfying of their child were sitting their, ordering from that particular menu.

Following the meal break, we do full closure, having people sitting in their chairs, with their eyes closed, holding their real or imagined child in their lap and entering into a creative partnership that will be ongoing for the rest of their lives by integrating the strength of the child with the power of the adult into a full human being, capable of interacting on a constant basis with the problem situations and experiences that enter their life from this time forth. And that the support between the child within us and the parent within us remain constant, rather than giving up those childlike qualities and feelings that we’ve been told to give up as we’ve grown older in society.

We move from that closure of child into adult exercise, into a lengthy discussion of orgasm.

We specifically point out and ask the questions openly – “What is an orgasm, what does it feel like, do you have one, do you have more than one, are women multi-orgasmic, are men multi-orgasmic, is orgasm a learned experience, who’s responsible for your orgasm, is it necessary to come or ejaculate when you have orgasm, do women ejaculate?” The discussion goes on. Into it is brought Wilhelm Reich’s theory of orgasm as: The energy source of neurotic symptoms is always derived from a differential between accumulation and discharge of sexual energy. The function of orgasm is then viewed in its economic context – the maintenance of equilibrium in the energy economy of the body is a cardinal function of orgasm. There is a basic distinction between having an orgasm and coming or ejaculating. Maximum pleasure is experienced when they happen together. Sometimes men have had the experience of ejaculation with little or no sensation. At other times, they have an orgasm and change position, because they’re not yet ready to ejaculate. When they do happen simultaneously, whey they have is called climax. Regardless of the semantics, to be able to distinguish the three functions is a blessing to men and women jointly. Although men and women climax, orgasm and ejaculate differently, there is a building quality about the two – to understand that we would have to look at, physiologically, how it is men and women differ.

Women get aroused over an extended period of time, during which the blood rushes to the groin area and may stay there for 12 to 24 hours. Men get aroused in a relatively short period of time, during which, the blood rushes to the penis and stays there for a relatively short period of time after ejaculation. Knowing this, gives us an opportunity to them see the difference in how men and women orgasm. Not ejaculate. Not climax. Just orgasm. Women will experience their first orgasm and move to their second orgasm after a slight drop-off, their second one being at a peak elevated above the first. If drawn as a chart, it is a series of peaks and valleys that continue to accelerate upwards on a graph, until such time as they reach climax. For most women, the inability to identify the peaks as orgasm denies them the climax, therefore robbing them of that pleasure and the pleasure that has come with all the peaks they’ve experienced up to it. For men, although the experience is similar, it is not the upward trend on the graph, but more of a lateral peak and valley experience in orgasm, until such time as they experience ejaculation, hopefully with orgasm, giving them climax.

For most men, it is not possible to visualize the experience without first realizing the reverse – that is, that time when they’ve had ejaculation without climax and little or no satisfaction whatsoever, physically. When we look from that point of view, we then have an opportunity to notice why it is we shift position with a partner, or even the tempo or stroke with a partner, because we have experienced an orgasm and are not ready yet to ejaculate and climax. Only out of the possibility of thinking that this is possible, it is possible. Given the way we’ve been taught, for very few men is that possibility available.

We look at what a lover is. Someone who serves. Someone who is interested in their partner’s pleasure, because they have discovered out of pleasuring their partner their own pleasure is enhanced and expanded and, in come cases – as we do in another workshop called “Man, the Natural Lover” – we have men actually discover that their true pleasure comes in pleasuring their partner. This exercise and ensuing discussion completed, we do a brief discussion with diagram as to what a working relationship is. Not only a male-female, but a male-male, or female-female, and what that partnership looks like. The visualization is such, and so simple, that it’s easily grasped and rendered usable on a daily basis. We also, at the same time, discuss sexual communication with the family and its necessary function in keeping communication open, at all levels.

Freud discussed it, and created his theories around a great percentage of what we do in life comes out of our sexuality. When we look at the lack of communication between father-daughter, father-son, daughter-brother, mother-son, mother-daughter, father-mother, about their sexuality (because these are just thoughts and feelings and not things that we have to necessarily put into action) and we deny the feelings and deny their existence, we close down the ability to communicate openly with those members of our families. When we acknowledge the feelings and calmly have the communication without any action, without any intended action, and with the commitment that no action take place, then the feelings are valid and true and do not disturb the flow of communication between family members.

The next exercise we move into it is the physical nurturing so necessary to us as human beings. Through experiments, we learn that monkeys that are fed and held by dummies eventually whither and die and that those held by flesh and blood monkeys or humans grow and expand. The same thing is true for human beings. The well-known therapist, Virginia Sitar, says that to maintain our physical nurturing balance, we need six personal contacts with another human being every day. Just to maintain – and twelve to grow. This particular part of the workshop is committed to the physical nurturing of a hug. We do some humorous interplay on how different people hug, including how men hug by pounding each other on the back, so as to show that they’re really not in too much physical contact, because then they might be gay. After laughing about these, we go into a nurturing hug. We call it the ISA hug – is it a bonding from knees to shoulders, with both palms spread upon your partner’s back, holding your partner firmly and nurturingly and breathing deeply so that, as you are nurturing your partner, your partner is nurturing you. It is one of those truly bright moments in which we receive and given simultaneously, with great pleasure.

It is our intention that everybody in the workshop takes this nurturing hug out into their lives and use with as many people as possible.

The last film shown in the workshop is a film called “Responding”. It is a surrealistic film, done with two men and two women, very real looking people, not extremely attractive, who interact physically n a constant basis. As the camera moves in on a male-female physical contact and moves back out to show that it’s a female-female contact, back in to show a male-female contact and out to show a male-male contact, the flowing and motion of the film is so fluid that the bodies seem to blend into one. We have people at the end of this film close their eyes and look at their thoughts, feelings and ideas about bisexuality and homosexuality. We then have them open their eyes and discuss their feelings about themselves and what they’ve seen on the film.

The purpose of the particular film is not to take a stand on any issue, and not to invalidate people who have. But for people to discover in themselves their own feelings and anxieties about the touch of the same sex or even, in the case of gay people who have done our workshops, the touch of the opposite sex.

The next exercise is probably the most delightful exercise in the workshop. We create a huge circle of chairs in which the assistants participate, as they have throughout the whole workshop, along with the participants and workshop leader, and give people an opportunity to ask whatever questions they’ve always wanted to ask of a sexual nature, or of a relationship nature, that they’ve never had an opportunity to ask. They have their answers given to them by the participants in the workshop or the workshop leader prefers to play a secondary role in this particular exercise.

There are always three questions that the workshop leader will bring into the circle. One is: How do women feel about penis size? Second is: How do men feel about breast size? And the third is: What is people’s experience of anal sex?

In years of doing this particular workshop, these three questions have come forth more than any other individual questions, with the possible exception of: What kind of lover to women want?

Anyone and everyone is open to answer these questions. In my experience over the years, the answer to penis size has been 98% of the time that woman do not want a large penis, because they find it uncomfortable and even painful, and prefer a medium-to-small penis; and that the size is not as important as the person who is loving them and how they are loving them. Very much the same thing holds true with breast size. The unique answers about anal sex come about when other women find that many men and women enjoy anal teasing, stimulation and penetration, satisfying and exciting experience, contrary to the message given to us by society. A number of books have been written, including one by Jack Morin, Ph.D. in San Francisco, called “anal Health and Pleasure” which, when asked, is recommended to any of the participants seeking to discovery more health and pleasure in that particular area of their life.

At this point, we occasionally will introduce the “Kegelcisor” designed by Dr. Stuart Bloch, the author of the workshop, which is used to strengthen the pubococcygeus muscles to cure or alleviate some 27 feminine disorders and has also, in recent studies, eliminated hemorrhoids in men and women.

At this point, Dr. Bloch will make the particular exerciser available for those people who wish to have it.

The wonderful side effect of the Kegelcisor is that is it also one of the most pleasurable devices used to heal the body of ailments in the pelvic region. This particular circle is used for discussing oral sex, sexual games, illusionary games, fantasies, acting-out fantasies, different types of exercises or activities that different people do in their own sexuality, and the four major aphrodisiacs that we know work. One is – your own ideas. Two is – inexpensive white wine. We haven’t found anything that works better and nothing that works worse. Three is – creating pleasure for another person. And the fourth is – serving and being satisfied to be serving.

Following the circle forum there are a series of 3 or 4 exercises, depending on the time allowed, used to consolidate and solidify some of the material that has been handled throughout the weekend. This material will give people an opportunity for a new perspective, new growth and new expansion regarding their own sexuality, how they are in relationships and the possibilities now open to them.

The purpose of the workshop is once again stated, so that people discovery over and over again in the ensuing weeks what it is that they have been looking for and what it is they have found. The purpose of the workshop is to experience your own sexuality and rediscovery your natural ability to love yourself and others.

The Friday night following the workshop is the completion event, which is an opportunity for participants to bring their family and friends as guests to an event that gives them the opportunity to share the many miracles they have created in their lives in the five days since the end of the workshop. Additionally, this event gives their family and friends the opportunity to see if the workshop is something they wish to participate in and the opportunity is available for them to enroll in the next available workshop.

For me, this event is the most exciting and satisfying aspect of the Love, Sex, and Communication workshop. When I hear people take what they have learned and start to enhance their relationships with their significant, others with their parents, with their siblings and with their co-workers, I am always amazed at the power of the use of this new knowledge. Most impressive are the number of people who use the communication techniques to get raises, promotions, and additional responsibilities in their job and are more satisfied in the workplace then they have ever been before. Though the emphasis of the workshop in on Love, Sex and Communication the pressure of inappropriate sexuality has disappeared for many of them and the pleasure that they are experiencing is so far superior to what they had before that more often or not the miracle shared are mostly about their relationships with family and extended family and the advanced opportunities they now have in the work place. Generally the guests are so impressed with the power of the sharing and excitement of the individuals who have participated that a large percentage of them enroll themselves in the next available workshop.

We do several exercises to complete the evening and spend a reasonable period of time hugging all of our guests before I personally head home with the most satisfied expression and sensation have ever experienced.

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Disclaimer

Under no circumstances is the work of the Institute for Sexual Awareness to be considered therapeutic or a replacement for therapy. It is specifically educational in nature and content. We do not work with individuals under 18 years of age, nor will we allow anyone to participate in our workshops who is in a non-consensual relationship.